The theme for this year’s Children’s Mental Health Week is “Express Yourself”.  Self-expression is hugely important for our mental health and emotional wellbeing.  It allows us to communicate our thoughts and feelings, share our identity, our story, our individuality.  Too often, we are influenced by others as to how we should behave, think, look, be, and feel ourselves falling into the comparison trap, or feel we are restricted, have to hide or suppress our true selves, so encouraging our children to be themselves is essential for their well-being.  Empowering them to be their true, authentic selves is one of the best gifts we can give them.   

Around three children in every primary school class has a mental health problem, and many more struggle with challenges from bullying to bereavement.

We know that children are struggling with their mental health, and statistics like this are far too high. Supporting children’s mental health isn’t only about reacting to those who are already struggling: we need to be proactive in building good mental health for all our children. We can do this through teaching our children about mental health, helping them to recognise stress and anxiety and how to regulate those feelings. We can give children a sense of belonging and validation, giving them positive attention and affirmation, boosting their self-esteem and self-confidence. Role modelling emotional regulation and positive coping strategies also helps teach our children how to have positive mental health.

But back to this week’s focus! In terms of supporting your child with expressing themselves, firstly, it’s helpful to remember that our children are expressing themselves all the time, but not necessarily in words, or the words we want to hear!  Try and hold in mind that behaviour is always trying telling us something: try and listen to the message behind the behaviour, and the needs your child is trying to communicate to you.  Let them know you have heard them, and try and give them the words they need, through modelling use of emotional language, or help them to explore expression through creativity.

If you are thinking about how to engage your child in an activity which helps them express themselves, reflect on what has already engaged them.  What are they already interested in or passionate about?  Take some time to talk about these with your child – praise their efforts, notice their creativity and let them know you have noticed.  Perhaps they have been spending a lot of time creating with Lego, or building a world on Minecraft, baking, making jewellery, designing outfits, taking photos, writing stories, role-playing with their toys, or finding creative games to play with their football.  Whatever it is, take the time to notice and encourage them. It can be tricky, if their passion is something you know nothing about, or have no interest in yourself, but taking the time to educate yourself, or ask your child to share their interest with you is definitely worth it, in terms of building your bond and encouraging their self-expression.

If your child is feeling a bit stuck, consider trying something new together – there are so many video tutorials and programmes that you could watch and be inspired by.  Or if you are feeling stuck yourself, why not ask a grandparent, friend or family member to help you out and lead a video session?  It’s a great way of connecting with each other when we can’t physically get together. And perhaps check out what is on offer in the community: choirs, orchestras, drama groups, art classes (activities may well remain online for now, but can still be a great way to develop your child’s imagination, social skills and self-expression).

Perhaps most importantly, please do remember that none of this is designed to put pressure on you or your child (there is far too much of that around!) You don’t have to be the best at something: this is about helping your child find their voice, share their thoughts and feelings, so they don’t get bottled up and become overwhelming. And it might help you, too! So, sing your heart out, even if you’re off key and forget the words! Write a poem, knit a scarf, give your Dad a makeover, paint a picture, roll a Dungeons & Dragons’ character, create a tik-tok, bake a show-stopper - however you choose to do it, express yourself! (Cue me singing along to Madonna!)

As always, if you are concerned about your child’s emotional well-being, please do seek support from their health visitor, school nurse or GP.

Aislinn Marek is a qualified person-centred counsellor, registered with the BACP. She has worked within the NHS, education and private practice for many years, and is passionate about supporting people of all ages with their mental health.